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From "The Onion" -- WASHINGTON—Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) announced Monday that he would not be seeking re-election in order to make room for the next generation of 70-year-olds entering politics. “It’s time we let some fresh, septuagenarian blood into this place,” said Leahy in a press conference, explaining “Although it fills me with sadness to leave a post I’ve held for nearly 50 years, these fresh-faced go-getters can more effectively address the needs of their constituents given that their hearing isn’t totally shot.